The Next Place I go...

Its been a minute since I last posted. I have been so busy with so many things. I have a few drafts that I have not been able to finish..LOL!

So much has been going on that by the time I get to my computer to blog I am falling asleep.!

I have finally got Xavier's stomach yeast under control, his meds on track and he has been back on track with his behavior for the most part at school.
Hopefully, if it is Gods will I will have my mom with me next month and Xavier has a new Para pro in his classroom that has really helped him.
 Its a guy and he is 6ft 5in and 260 pounds!
I am sure Xavier " walks the line" with this guy because he is the SAME size as his Daddy!  LOL !
 Cant wait to meet him at my next IEP meeting...;-)

Also, the Lord has put it on my heart to open an "in home" after school care and respite for children who have autism and I am now on track to start the training, licensing and other stuff in order to get that in place and up and running..
Looking for a larger home to house this business as well....:-)

But hey, if the Lord leads me to it, he will bring me through it.. so I am excited and hubby is excited as well..

Hope to have a grand opening of ......Trent and Trent, Aftercare and Respite, LPC very soon...;-)

I had to take the time to blog today because I wanted remember my dad today as today marks the one year anniversary of my fathers death.

Normally I would not mention this as I don't want the one moment of death to overshadow the LIFE my father lived, but
I felt compelled to mention it because my father and Xavier's relationship went through a major change once my dad found out Xavier had autism.

Also, many people do not know that when I would get down about Xavier's autism or felt like I was stuck in a rut with him, I could always call my dad and he would tell me how proud he was of Mark and I and how we have handled Xavier and have always worked as a team to help him.
He would always remind me that I am giving my boys what I did not have " a mother and father in the home'' and how just doing that was an achievement in itself.

But, it was not always like that.
Before we knew Xavier had autism, Daddy thought he was just bad and spoiled..
When we came by to visit, he thought that when we told Xavier not to touch something and he did it anyway, it was because he was hard headed and not that he was not understanding " facial expressions or social cues"..
Many times, he would go get his belt and tap Xavier on his rear when he touched something he wasn't supposed to have and would keep the belt with him while we were at his house.
I was always careful to watch Xavier as I did not want him to get a famous " Willie James" ass-whipping.. as I dont think he or Jordan could survive that...

When we found out Xavier had autism, I didn't tell anyone right away, mainly because I didn't know exactly what it was.I was ashamed and I blamed myself.
 But when I told my Father he was very upset and worried for me.
But he told me that if anyone could raise a child with special needs , he knew I could and that alone gave me strength.

I don't think Daddy realized at first that although Xavier was not interactive as Jordan was with him, he understood what was going on and was very much in tune with his surroundings and has a very good memory.

 I think he found out the hard way when one day he called the house to talk to the boys when they were about 5 and 4 years old  and after talking with Jordan he asked to speak to Xavier.
But when Xavier heard his voice on the phone, he yelled " BELT" and ran away...

 My dad didn't say it, but I knew he was hurt by it..

From that day forward I saw my Dad's demeanor and relationship with Xavier change.

My father made an effort to always " play and interact "with Xavier as much as he would allow every time he saw him.
He soon found out that unlike most children with Autism was not "Sensory sensitive" but he was "sensory seeking" and loved to be grabbed," roughhoused" and tickled by him.

Many times Xavier would purposely go to my Dad so that he could wrestle and tickle him. and the "belt toting" Grandaddy became Grandaddy Billy, the " tickler...;-)

When my father died, I was concerned for both my sons.
 Neither of them had been to a funeral, let alone for someone they had loved and was close to.

I was worried that Xavier would not understand  the funeral itself , that the crowds of people and the noise would upset him as well to see others crying and upset and I would have to take him out.

I tried to explain it to him as best I could the days before, but when time came for my fathers wake and funeral, I was still not sure he knew what was going on.
We decided not to ride in the funeral car, in case Xavier melted and I needed to leave with him and both my brothers decided not to do so as well so that I wouldn't stand out as not riding with the rest of  family.

It was my job to find a tie for my father to wear and when it came time to take it to the funeral home, we were able to view and sit with my dad a few minutes before we left to go get dressed before the wake started.

 As we stood looking at my dad after his tie had been chosen and put on, I asked Xavier who he was he answered " Grandaddy" .
When Mark asked him what was he doing. Xavier replied " sleeping".....

He did well as to be expected at the Wake with people walking in and out, lots of talking and laughter, crying and hugging, but in the end he got overwhelmed and Mark took him out to the car, so I would be able to continue to mingle with family and friends.

The next day Mark and I decided that if he got upset during the funeral Mark would take him out to the car and allow me to remain inside for the service.

Surprisingly, Xavier remained TOTALLY  silent during Daddy's entire funeral. I thank God that the few times I felt compelled to cry it was in Thanksgiving as most times Xavier picks up on my mood and I was afraid he would pick up on the fact that I was dying inside and become upset. 
But, during the funeral, he never made a sound, not even one of his little " autism" noises.. He was attentive and never took his eyes off the casket that was in front and when I looked at him, the look in his eyes told me HE UNDERSTOOD.

He knew that Daddy was not just "Sleeping" although that is what he had told us the day before and I knew he understood that this was the last time he would see " Grandaddy Billy" as he and Jordan called him.

He continued to remain silent during the car ride to the burial and although Mark and I tried kidding around with the boys to lighten the mood in the car on the way , Xavier's demeanor remained quiet as he watched all the cars line up and drive off..

When the burial ceremony was over and after everyone had left their seats and started to hug, take pics, and walk back to their cars to go to the repast, Mark and I noticed Xavier moved to a front seat in front of Daddy's casket that was already partially lowered and just sat there. Mark offered him a lollipop and we finally saw a smile..

As I walked away and talked to family and friends.. I heard someone yell and realized that Xavier had laid on top of  Daddy's casket as if to hug it.. Mark went over and got him and Xavier walked to the car with him. While everyone talked about how this "little bad boy" had climbed on top of the casket or what would possess him to do so.. ......

I smiled inside because I knew That was Xavier's way of saying goodbye and getting one last hug and tickle from Grandaddy..
That he had forgotten "Belt toting" Grandaddy and remembered the one that gave big hugs and rough housed and tickled him on demand .

After we got home, I noticed Xavier started carrying a book I had bought for him months before.
He loves to "visually stim" on items and sometimes when its a book and is cheap, I admit I just buy it to get out of the store in peace.....LOL!

Usually once he gets it home and holds onto it for a few days he just looses interest like most kids do with toys, but for some reason he had started back carrying this one everywhere he went.

 I decided to make him play " appropriately" with it and sat to read it to him"
As I did, the tears started to run down my face as I realized my baby was hurt and this book comforted him.

Its called " THE NEXT PLACE ", by Warren Hanson..
I had not realized it when I bought it for him, but it is a beautiful way for a child to understand dying and heaven..
It has beautiful pictures and describes heaven in a way, that makes a child not fear death, but look at it as a place they can look forward to going..

I noticed he had it today in the car on the way to Nana's after church and it made me SMILE..

Today at church, Brother Giddens sermon was entitled " Why God allows us to suffer" .

He spoke about how everything bad that happens to us, God makes it for our good and that Suffering , brings Perseverance and Perseverance, Character and Character brings .......Hope.

So as I hurt for my father today, I can still thank my heavenly father for the time I had with him.

I can thank him for all the GOOD that has come to me from my fathers life and death.

I thank my heavenly father for the faith that has been built in me and today I add that I am thankful that through my fathers death, I was able to experience another dimension of my son. ....

As I sat on the sofa to type this blog post, Xavier sat on the other end, watching TV and his book in front of him on the ottoman...

Maybe I will read it to him again tonight, since it has been a year since we last read it together.
.I am not sure if he knows what today is, but I am glad the Lord sees fit to comfort me in this way..

In Loving Memory of  

Willie James " Grandaddy Billy" Johnson

 April 10, 1945 - October 14, 2011.

The Smallest Things, Mean Alot

Just like the smallest things like giving Xavier something for yeast can calm him, the smallest things can set him off.

Today is Community Skills at school. It is when the staff takes the class out into the Community to teach them to shop, count money, and try to establish some self help skills they will need later in life if they have the ability to live on their own.

Xavier has not been going on Community Skills this year due to his aggressive behavior, so today he will be staying back at school.

Yeah, I know, they cant do that by law, but considering how extreme he has been acting this year, I am ok with him hanging out at school especially since he gets more than enough Community Skills at home...
I like to shop and yes, most times I drag Xavier along with me.
That boy can unload groceries from a trunk twice as fast as his big brother and is a very good cart driver..;-)
That is when he is not trying to hop on the back and take a ride or slide down the aisle, but what kid/preteen doesn't do that..?

So today, Xavier is all cool, until he realizes that not only will he stay back from Community Skills, but it is also picture day.

So most people that know me, know I love, love taking pics of my boys..
Hey they are my babies and plus I think they are so handsome, but I am biased right?

Also, unlike a lot of children with Autism, Xavier takes pictures pretty well.  He did better when he was younger, but I think now that he has gotten older, he is not real sure how to smile and kinda fakes it more, than when he was younger and just tickled..

More so, I used my camera and a mirror early on with Xavier to get him to make "EYE CONTACT" with me.
He loved lights and the flash on the camera always got his attention.
I would also stand him on my bathroom sink and point to the "boy" in the mirror and that would also catch his eye.
Not sure when but later on he started to realize the boy was moving " in sync"  with him in the mirror  was his own reflection, thus began his now obsession with Mirrors.. ( and most people think he is just vain) as he cant walk past one today without looking at himself! LOL !

So today after he gets  dressed, I realize his school picture day is today and not on the 10th as I had thought! YIKES!!

So I am trying to get Xavier to wear something different to school for pictures.. I knew this would be a task because usually I gradually change his clothing for school as the seasons start to change.

We start off in Shorts and T shirts or short sleeve polo's
Then we go to long pants (sweats) and short sleeve polo's and t shirt
or shorts and a long sleeved t-shirt.
Next we go to both long pants (sweats) or jeans and long sleeve shirts.
Then we had a windbreaker or light jacket and then on
to sweats and a real coat ( by then it is November or December )
Yes, I have to be that methodical with it....
THAT'S AUTISM..

Please don't ask what I have to do to get him to wear a new pair of shoes!  I literally hide the old ones!! and that is just the beginning..

A few weeks ago when all of sudden it got cooler too soon, I had him put on a pair of jeans instead of his normal shorts and t-shirt and got a call from school an hour later saying that he was standing in the Sensory room in his undies asking for another pair of pants...!!!
Yall remember that? That was the day I took him home...

So here we are , he in his khaki Izod shorts and T shirt and me trying to figure out how I can dress this up a little.... I start bringing down long sleeve T's to see if maybe I can match something to his Camouflage sneakers ..?
I am asking him to try them on and his only response is "NO" ..

So I am bribing him with Gorilla Munch Cereal and he is still not going there.

Finally he agrees to put on a vest he wore for recent Family pics over the t-shirt and at least looks like he is going to play golf..
I am content because he didnt have a major melt down and I think he is just happy I am about to leave him alone.

Lets just hope he remembers to Smile...;-)