So excited that I cant think of a topic so I will go back a month or so and honor my oldest Jordan who turned 13 on November 9th and became an official teenager.
So I will talk about siblings:
I guess I will always feel guilty about not having more children. I sometimes feel Jordan has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to siblings, since Xavier has special needs.
I would have loved, loved to have had more kids, if there was a way they could come to me without me being pregnant!
Sorry ladies, I HATE being pregnant, aint NOTHING fun about it.
I love kids, but I sure wish I could just lay an egg to get them.. LOL !
Really, Jordan was going to be an only child. I was thinking I would get him socialized early with other children so he wouldn't have the "only child syndrome" ( which I don't buy into anyway) and then Mark and I would get a dog.
But I guess God didn't agree with me.
Since Jordan and Xavier are so close in age, early on, Jordan didn't notice the deficits Xavier had. Many times I would ask him when they were toddlers if Xavier "talked" to him and he would say "yes" and give me a look as if I was crazy..
But looking back if you are 3 years old and your brother is 19 months old, neither of you are "really" talking much, so for the most part I guess as long as Xavier was following along with what Jordan was doing he "felt " as though they " talked "to each other.
The first time I realized Jordan knew something was wrong with Xavier was one day when he was screaming for me to come look!
There they were in the hallway and Xavier had walked up and Hugged Jordan.
Jordan screamed " He loves me!!!" and my heart broke for him and yet I felt hope for them and their relationship as brothers.
I explained to Jordan that Xavier does love him, but we will have to teach him how to hug, kiss us etc and show it to us because he has special needs.. From that first hug, they have been hugging each other ever since and I thank God for that.
I cant think of how many times I have said "special needs" to Jordan. But for the most part he treats Xavier like he would if he were a neurotypical brother. He wrestles him, aggravates him and I do believe he has beaten Xavier up before because Xavier NEVER challenges Jordan when he tells him to do something.. LOL!
I figure he has asserted that he is the BIG brother somehow, I just may never know what he did....
But hey, Xavier is the baby brother he gotta take lumps, Autism or not... LOL!
Many times because we didn't have childcare for Xavier or lots of family support, if we wanted to go to an activity or even eat out because there was so much Xavier could not eat, we had to pass as family.
One day when we wanted to get some ice cream and Mark and I decided to pass because Xavier cant have milk, Jordan made a comment that hit me like a hammer! He said "One for all and all for one , so since Xavier cant have it we wont go"...The way he said it was like he REALLY wanted to go..
So I told him from that day on, if HE could go either I or Daddy would take him.
So Mark and I agreed that Jordan needed some " JUST JORDAN " times.
Jordan started activities that only focused on him, his baseball, basketball, special things at school.
Even if one of us had to stay home with Xavier so Jordan could have the focus "only on him" and not Xavier's behavior issues or food needs, etc, we wanted to be sure he knew his mom and dad had time " just for him".
I think that has helped Jordan not resent Xavier. He is more than willing to help with him, but I am very careful not to make Xavier a " burden" to him and make him more of a companion as well.
When Xavier needs help, Jordan will step up and help him, but if I see him getting frustrated I step in. Here is Jordan giving Xavier some big brother encouragement on the first day of school this year.
In the future I am hoping to have put in enough work on Xavier so that he can live alone or in a group type situation.
I want Xavier to be as independent as possible. Not just for his own quality of life, but so that Jordan wont feel so burdened down with him.
Yet, I know if he needs help Jordan will be there to help him.
One day last year as I was cooking, Jordan was talking to me about Xavier and I was shocked that he had already made it up in his mind what he will do with Xavier when they are adults.
Jordan wants to be an Architect and he said he will build a wing onto his home for Xavier or make a Guesthouse for him.
He said because of genetics he wont marry a lady who has autism in her family, but thinks it would be great to marry a Special Ed teacher because they will accept and understand Xavier more.
I was so shocked that all this came from an 12 year old..
That he had thought to include Xavier in his life as an adult and that he had made so many decisions for his life based on how his actions would affect Xavier.......But I am thanking GOD that he did..
