We are three days into Summer vacation and I realize it is going to be a very loooong Summer for Xavier.
For years, When other parents couldn't wait for a break in school so they wouldn't have to rise at the crack of dawn each day, I would dread any type of break from school basically because Xavier would be miserable and in the process make us all miserable as well.
This not only made me dread Summer vacation but also Spring Break, Thanksgiving and Christmas Break!!!
Change is hard for anyone, but for a child with Autism it is nearly unbearable.
In previous years Xavier will ask for school each day of the week aaaallll daaaaay....
Even when I would try to explain to him that it was "break" he would not understand and still whine all day long.
Usually by the time I got him adjusted to "no school today" it was time to go back to school and he would get upset once there and having to deal with " another change" again ...
It was and still is to some extent a bad cycle for him.
After we moved to Georgia and I could not work due to lack of childcare, Most times when he and Jordan were younger and I would spend the Summers " keeping them busy" on the cheap.. Blow up pools or when we moved into a HOA community I would plan on taking them to the pool when it was not so crowded and noisy around sundown and allow he and Jordan swim time each day. Many times Jordan would also go with friends and then again with Xavier and I.
Since Xavier would still awaken at his normal " school time" I had to keep him on a schedule as I realized that even if the schedule was different, just "knowing" what was next or that there would be something to do kept him calmer to some extent.
I found that if I set a routine of "keeping Xavier busy" to wear him out, I could have some peace during the day. That's when I realized I was being "worn out" too!
As I started working more, this time " to wear him out " became more limited.
There is only one Summer Camp for Children with Autism in my area and it is 300.00 per week.
So since it was way cheaper, I would send Jordan to camps at least three weeks out of the Summer and that way I would only have Xavier to run ragged each day.The days they were both at home, I can have Jordan to at least distract Xavier some. One good thing about Georgia is that the heat will wear you down very quickly, so a 30 minute walk with Lucky in the park and then some play time would usually have them both tired for at least two hours. Lucky even longer! :-)
I have to say as he has gotten older and "lived through" more school breaks he has gotten somewhat better at " making entertainment for himself" . His transitions back to school after breaks have gotten better as well.
But still, on days like today when I hear the sound of him constantly saying.." School tomorrow" lets me know he hasn't quite figured out that Summer Break is here but he does know he is bored.
Lucky for him, I have a large packet of Summer Speech lessons his Speech Therapist sent home with him and many worksheets from previous Summers for him to complete.
For some reason having " school work "to do during the Summer months helps keep Xavier calm.
For Jordan the TOTAL opposite is true, he does his assigned Summer reading with MUCH prodding and doesn't want to SEE anything related to school during his break. He would rather veg out on TV and movies all Summer and I think this Summer I will allow him that time. I wont be making him read an extra book off his reading list this time..
Hey, whatever works!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
No more Elementary school... whats next?
The last day of school has come and Summer has begun.
But more so what has been on my mind is that Xavier has had his last day of Elementary school.
This school year has presented more challenges for him and I than I had ever dreamed.
More so, it has caused me to drastically rethink my dreams for Xavier and rethink what I want his life to " look like" in the future.
Truth is .........He is growing up!
He is no longer looking like the "little boy" with Autism I started this journey with, but more so like the "MAN" with Autism he is set to become and that is VERY scary for me.
This year he was adamant about having his birthday cake even though I was under the weather on the Sunday I told him we were to cook for him.
I had sent in treat bags and Confetti Rice Krispy treats to school on his actual birthday in hopes that would satisfy him but on Sunday after church, he kept " telling me " BIRTHDAY CAKE" until he got his Traditional Trent household, birthday dinner and cake.. He put his hands over his ears as usual as Mark, Jordan and I sang to him and blew out his candles.. Then he sat with a satisfied look on his face while he ate his GFCF cake and Ice cream..
I am sure all parents who have special needs children get to a point where they realize that what they had hoped for their child and what the reality is for them is very far apart.
I was watching a show on the Oprah Network and a statement was made that Struck me:
" You cant love someone and not be TRUTHFUL to them"
So I know I must be Truthful to myself and others including Xavier because I love him.
So truth is I have had that realization this school year in more ways than one that what I want for Xavier and what he is capable of at this point are Miles APART...and I admit it has been heartbreaking, but know I must press on towards the new goals set.
For one, Xavier is still having behavior issues. His new school placement for the past five months didn't stop these and we are not sure if it didn't make it worse...
His last IEP meeting took two days to complete and we have decided to send him to a school for children with behavior issues to a program that focus on only children with Autism, rather than a regular Middle School with Special needs placement.
He can stay there until he gets out of High School if needed.
Yeah I know, " NO more Least Restrictive Environment" for him...
No, its not what I had in mind for Xavier 5 years ago when I thought of what he would be doing and where his school setting would be like at this age, but I am a realist and I realize he needs it.
His old IEP has been kicked to the trashcan and now his new one will focus more on Functional skills rather than the academic goals he has always had before....
I no longer care if he can add 2 digits and regroup. I want him to be able to use a calculator to add up his money and know what to pay a cashier for groceries and pay for a meal at a restaurant.
We will no longer focus on him learning site words and reading a book, but rather that he recognize and read signs in the community and follow a crosswalk signs as not to get hit by a car while crossing the street.
This new school also has a Functional Skills room complete with kitchen and bedroom so he can learn to cook a simple meal and make his own bed, fold his own clothes and clean his own house.
Now that he is a preteen I have started focusing in on giving him chores at home. For one he has started to feed the dog each day and Jordan takes him out afterwards. Previously, this was Jordan's chore alone.
So far Xavier has taken to the task and although he has to be reminded to complete it each morning, when asked he goes at it.
He has even refilled the food bin on his own when he knows it has gotten empty. But hasn't been able to say or tell us when Lucky needs more food... LOL !
So now that Xavier is 12 years old, my focus has become on what he will look like when those numbers are reversed and he is 21 years old.
At his last IEP meeting, during my " Parent Statement" time, I mentioned this change in Direction for Xavier and how we see his future now..
Now that we have taught him to feed the dog at home and since now I know he will not attend college, I look at learning to feed the dog differently as maybe he can learn to feed the animals at the Zoo instead...
But then the looming issue in the new plan IS BEHAVIOR.. and lack of Language..
Truth is ......
He wont be able to get a job at the zoo if he is still having meltdowns, or doesn't have the language to tell his boss he isn't feeling well on a particular day and needs to go home..
The New School placement is mainly "Behavior Based" and hopefully will help with his "Main Issue" of behavior and his Speech and Language time as been doubled as well.
When Jordan became a Pre-teen, I was worried more so about "Girls" than how he will care for himself on a day to day basis. Jordan has his own challenges but nothing as deep as the ones Xavier will face.
I must say this new way of looking at the rest of our lives, planning a retirement for three and focusing on getting Xavier the Functional Skills he will need as an adult with Autism seems a daunting task right now.. and one I am sure will change the direction of our Autism Odyssey forever and for the better I pray....
Now if only I can start this Summer by getting him to not ask for "computer please" every five minutes! LOL !
Guess we will start by practicing our "Telling time" skill and telling him he gets computer at a certain time each day...?
I will let yall know how that one goes .. ..;-)
But more so what has been on my mind is that Xavier has had his last day of Elementary school.
This school year has presented more challenges for him and I than I had ever dreamed.
More so, it has caused me to drastically rethink my dreams for Xavier and rethink what I want his life to " look like" in the future.
Truth is .........He is growing up!
He is no longer looking like the "little boy" with Autism I started this journey with, but more so like the "MAN" with Autism he is set to become and that is VERY scary for me.
This year he was adamant about having his birthday cake even though I was under the weather on the Sunday I told him we were to cook for him.
I had sent in treat bags and Confetti Rice Krispy treats to school on his actual birthday in hopes that would satisfy him but on Sunday after church, he kept " telling me " BIRTHDAY CAKE" until he got his Traditional Trent household, birthday dinner and cake.. He put his hands over his ears as usual as Mark, Jordan and I sang to him and blew out his candles.. Then he sat with a satisfied look on his face while he ate his GFCF cake and Ice cream..
I am sure all parents who have special needs children get to a point where they realize that what they had hoped for their child and what the reality is for them is very far apart.
I was watching a show on the Oprah Network and a statement was made that Struck me:
" You cant love someone and not be TRUTHFUL to them"
So I know I must be Truthful to myself and others including Xavier because I love him.
So truth is I have had that realization this school year in more ways than one that what I want for Xavier and what he is capable of at this point are Miles APART...and I admit it has been heartbreaking, but know I must press on towards the new goals set.
For one, Xavier is still having behavior issues. His new school placement for the past five months didn't stop these and we are not sure if it didn't make it worse...
His last IEP meeting took two days to complete and we have decided to send him to a school for children with behavior issues to a program that focus on only children with Autism, rather than a regular Middle School with Special needs placement.
He can stay there until he gets out of High School if needed.
Yeah I know, " NO more Least Restrictive Environment" for him...
No, its not what I had in mind for Xavier 5 years ago when I thought of what he would be doing and where his school setting would be like at this age, but I am a realist and I realize he needs it.
His old IEP has been kicked to the trashcan and now his new one will focus more on Functional skills rather than the academic goals he has always had before....
I no longer care if he can add 2 digits and regroup. I want him to be able to use a calculator to add up his money and know what to pay a cashier for groceries and pay for a meal at a restaurant.
We will no longer focus on him learning site words and reading a book, but rather that he recognize and read signs in the community and follow a crosswalk signs as not to get hit by a car while crossing the street.
This new school also has a Functional Skills room complete with kitchen and bedroom so he can learn to cook a simple meal and make his own bed, fold his own clothes and clean his own house.
Now that he is a preteen I have started focusing in on giving him chores at home. For one he has started to feed the dog each day and Jordan takes him out afterwards. Previously, this was Jordan's chore alone.
So far Xavier has taken to the task and although he has to be reminded to complete it each morning, when asked he goes at it.
He has even refilled the food bin on his own when he knows it has gotten empty. But hasn't been able to say or tell us when Lucky needs more food... LOL !
So now that Xavier is 12 years old, my focus has become on what he will look like when those numbers are reversed and he is 21 years old.
At his last IEP meeting, during my " Parent Statement" time, I mentioned this change in Direction for Xavier and how we see his future now..
Now that we have taught him to feed the dog at home and since now I know he will not attend college, I look at learning to feed the dog differently as maybe he can learn to feed the animals at the Zoo instead...
But then the looming issue in the new plan IS BEHAVIOR.. and lack of Language..
Truth is ......
He wont be able to get a job at the zoo if he is still having meltdowns, or doesn't have the language to tell his boss he isn't feeling well on a particular day and needs to go home..
The New School placement is mainly "Behavior Based" and hopefully will help with his "Main Issue" of behavior and his Speech and Language time as been doubled as well.
When Jordan became a Pre-teen, I was worried more so about "Girls" than how he will care for himself on a day to day basis. Jordan has his own challenges but nothing as deep as the ones Xavier will face.
I must say this new way of looking at the rest of our lives, planning a retirement for three and focusing on getting Xavier the Functional Skills he will need as an adult with Autism seems a daunting task right now.. and one I am sure will change the direction of our Autism Odyssey forever and for the better I pray....
Now if only I can start this Summer by getting him to not ask for "computer please" every five minutes! LOL !
Guess we will start by practicing our "Telling time" skill and telling him he gets computer at a certain time each day...?
I will let yall know how that one goes .. ..;-)
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