But more so what has been on my mind is that Xavier has had his last day of Elementary school.
This school year has presented more challenges for him and I than I had ever dreamed.
More so, it has caused me to drastically rethink my dreams for Xavier and rethink what I want his life to " look like" in the future.
Truth is .........He is growing up!
He is no longer looking like the "little boy" with Autism I started this journey with, but more so like the "MAN" with Autism he is set to become and that is VERY scary for me.
This year he was adamant about having his birthday cake even though I was under the weather on the Sunday I told him we were to cook for him.
I had sent in treat bags and Confetti Rice Krispy treats to school on his actual birthday in hopes that would satisfy him but on Sunday after church, he kept " telling me " BIRTHDAY CAKE" until he got his Traditional Trent household, birthday dinner and cake.. He put his hands over his ears as usual as Mark, Jordan and I sang to him and blew out his candles.. Then he sat with a satisfied look on his face while he ate his GFCF cake and Ice cream..
I am sure all parents who have special needs children get to a point where they realize that what they had hoped for their child and what the reality is for them is very far apart.
I was watching a show on the Oprah Network and a statement was made that Struck me:
" You cant love someone and not be TRUTHFUL to them"
So I know I must be Truthful to myself and others including Xavier because I love him.
So truth is I have had that realization this school year in more ways than one that what I want for Xavier and what he is capable of at this point are Miles APART...and I admit it has been heartbreaking, but know I must press on towards the new goals set.
For one, Xavier is still having behavior issues. His new school placement for the past five months didn't stop these and we are not sure if it didn't make it worse...
His last IEP meeting took two days to complete and we have decided to send him to a school for children with behavior issues to a program that focus on only children with Autism, rather than a regular Middle School with Special needs placement.
He can stay there until he gets out of High School if needed.
Yeah I know, " NO more Least Restrictive Environment" for him...
No, its not what I had in mind for Xavier 5 years ago when I thought of what he would be doing and where his school setting would be like at this age, but I am a realist and I realize he needs it.
His old IEP has been kicked to the trashcan and now his new one will focus more on Functional skills rather than the academic goals he has always had before....
I no longer care if he can add 2 digits and regroup. I want him to be able to use a calculator to add up his money and know what to pay a cashier for groceries and pay for a meal at a restaurant.
We will no longer focus on him learning site words and reading a book, but rather that he recognize and read signs in the community and follow a crosswalk signs as not to get hit by a car while crossing the street.
This new school also has a Functional Skills room complete with kitchen and bedroom so he can learn to cook a simple meal and make his own bed, fold his own clothes and clean his own house.
Now that he is a preteen I have started focusing in on giving him chores at home. For one he has started to feed the dog each day and Jordan takes him out afterwards. Previously, this was Jordan's chore alone.
So far Xavier has taken to the task and although he has to be reminded to complete it each morning, when asked he goes at it.
He has even refilled the food bin on his own when he knows it has gotten empty. But hasn't been able to say or tell us when Lucky needs more food... LOL !
So now that Xavier is 12 years old, my focus has become on what he will look like when those numbers are reversed and he is 21 years old.
At his last IEP meeting, during my " Parent Statement" time, I mentioned this change in Direction for Xavier and how we see his future now..
Now that we have taught him to feed the dog at home and since now I know he will not attend college, I look at learning to feed the dog differently as maybe he can learn to feed the animals at the Zoo instead...
But then the looming issue in the new plan IS BEHAVIOR.. and lack of Language..
Truth is ......
He wont be able to get a job at the zoo if he is still having meltdowns, or doesn't have the language to tell his boss he isn't feeling well on a particular day and needs to go home..
The New School placement is mainly "Behavior Based" and hopefully will help with his "Main Issue" of behavior and his Speech and Language time as been doubled as well.
When Jordan became a Pre-teen, I was worried more so about "Girls" than how he will care for himself on a day to day basis. Jordan has his own challenges but nothing as deep as the ones Xavier will face.
I must say this new way of looking at the rest of our lives, planning a retirement for three and focusing on getting Xavier the Functional Skills he will need as an adult with Autism seems a daunting task right now.. and one I am sure will change the direction of our Autism Odyssey forever and for the better I pray....
Now if only I can start this Summer by getting him to not ask for "computer please" every five minutes! LOL !
Guess we will start by practicing our "Telling time" skill and telling him he gets computer at a certain time each day...?
I will let yall know how that one goes .. ..;-)
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