If you are not careful you could loose your own socialization skills by having a child with Autism.
Many times parents of children with autism do not have the same opportunities to socialize as parent of typical children.
This may be due to a number of reasons.
Some common ones I have found are:
Tantrums and odd behaviors of their child, cause them to be embarrassed and often stay at home.
Sometimes if parents are unable to control violent rages or tantrums of their child, they often stay at home.
Since autistic children lack social skills they may not make friends at school as typical children do, thus not be invited to
Play dates,
No birthday parties
No Sports events
No music lessons
So parents of children with autism loose many of the avenues in which parents of typical children connect through the common interests of their children.
Often times, they are too exhausted or bogged down with extra duties to even have the energy to be social.
Between therapies, school meetings, their other children and work, their schedules are booked.
They don't have the time to have conversations over the phone, meet for lunch or coffee, they are just plain worn out.
For me, I have learned that a few really good friends can take the place of a 100 associates.
I have learned that my true friends tend to focus on the "Quality" of the time we spend together and not the "Quantity" and for that I am grateful.
As well, Mark and I decided to socialize Xavier as much as possible as early as possible. The eye opener came when we had to leave an event because Xavier was " tantruming" and Jordan mentioned to us that we never get to do anything if Xavier cant do it, none of us can.. That lit a fire under us for sure.
We didn't wait for the movie theatre to offer " sensory friendly films" , we took him to the movies during the matinee when there were more babies and children in attendance and being silent wasn't such a big deal.
Now as long as he has his popcorn and a Slurpee he can sit through just about any movie at anytime. If he becomes bored, I bring his handheld video game and allow him to play it on silent..
We take Xavier bowling, to the park, swimming and anything else we like to do as a family and just handle whatever issues he has and move on. He is also lucky that his school does " Community skills" where they take the children out in the community shopping, out to eat and other activities to get them used to being in pubic places.
Now, if we are just sitting at home like we were on Saturday, Xavier will say" Car please" or "get dressed" to let us know he is bored and wants to get out. So since we had not seen Men in Black 3, we all decided to catch the 7pm at the 2 dollar movie and we had a great time. I was pretty grossed out, but the guys loved it.. It even caught Xavier's eye when one of the aliens took off his hat and had no scalp.. " he said" Hair!!" and I said no baby he doesn't even have a top to his head.. and started laughing as he stared hard at the screen as if to say " What in world are we watching"..
Since I didn't have much help with babysitting I really had no choice but to take Xavier and Jordan everywhere I went.
If he had a tantrum or any other issue I just handled it. Even in the presence of rude strangers and their comments.
In doing this I have learned coping skills to handle public issues way better than I did when I first started this journey.
I admit, before I learned how to handle other's comments, I had my " Laila Ali" attitude on..
I can remember once in a store with Xavier screaming and kicking and me trying to get him in a basket as well as wrangle Jordan in since he was only 17months older, a lady offered her opinion that if "Xavier were her child she would beat his ass."
I politely told her he had autism.. BUT when she said he didn't LOOK like anything was wrong with him I took it there. ...
In my frustration, I told her neither did she, but it was obvious she was stupid..
When she said she would still beat his ass, I then told her she would have to beat mine too and if she felt "froggy to jump" and stood there..glaring waiting for her to decide..(My "Sadie Mae and Willie J" )attitude had arrived by then and I was ready to throw some blows... That's when my hubby came over and politely lead me and the children out of the store.
Xavier also had a way of invading others personal space that would get me into trouble as well. He was so quick, he could do things and still can in a blink of an eye..
Like the time we were standing in line at Kroger and the guy in front of us had a huge scab on his arm and Xavier went over to try to remove it. He was pissed but was quiet when I told him Xavier had autism and to please forgive him. Then I politely sanitized Xavier to DEATH when we got to the car...!
Or
When he touched the bald man's head that sat down in front of us at church. I have to admit it was reflecting the light something awful.
But when he turned around I was about to explain and Mark gave him his usual " You gotta a problem look" and he turned right back around.. That happened again at a Falcons game a few weeks ago when this guy had VERY Hairy arms in front of us and Xavier just had to touch his arm. Xavier got sanitized again! I keep a supply of that in my purse at ALL times..
For Mark, even though he always says he is "waiting on the other person to ask a question" one look from him and nobody usually says a thing to him, but for me I figured I had better learn some coping skills or catch a case..
First, I found the best thing I could do when someone made an rude or uneducated comment was to educate them.
Since I knew I had a tendency to not say things in the wrong way when I was already frustrated with trying to settle Xavier down, I found cards similar to these that I could give to the person instead of saying a word
http://www.autismsupport.org/AutismCards.html
Keeps from having any verbal exchange and me out of jail....;-)
Nowadays I am more apt to talk to the person.
If I feel they are too stupid or rude to reason with, I just totally ignore them and focus on Xavier and what I need to do for him in that moment.
Although it is sad, it also helps that so any more children have been diagnosed with autism since Xavier was diagnosed almost 11 years ago so more people are aware and educated.
I admit it has taken me a long time to get here, but like they say practice makes perfect..
Xavier Second Place bowling at Community Skills
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